E3 2017’s Props & Slops

It’s like TV Guides Cheers & Jeers section. ….Remember TV Guide? No? Whatever.



We’ll start with an honorable mention in Mario + Rabbids. This game looks like a bat-shit version of XCom and I’m kind of okay with that.

We finally have a dedicated 4K console in the new Xbox One X, which is nice. No exciting exclusives yet, but who cares, you’re going to be playing your cross platform titles here instead of buying a PC.

Lots of new indies and their sequels, including Ori 2. Haven’t played the first yet (don’t judge me), but who can deny an adorable fox made of light and solid platforming mechanics.

Assassin’s Creed Egypt Edition ™ looks neat. Everyone finally gets to slide down a pyramid, the falcon provides cool utility, no mention of the present day or animus yet, etc.

DragonBall Fighter Z is the 2.5D fighter every single 30 something in the country has never known they wanted and instantly needs, especially after the lackluster showing thus far from Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite.

Decade+ sequels, including Beyond Good and Evil 2 and Metroid Prime 4. These are some sequels I’m okay with existing, as they’ve both been a long long time coming.

Metroid Samus Returns looks amazing. A true to form Metroid sequel with awesome new features, and a story/gameplay revival of the nostalgia-rific Metroid 2 on the Game Boy. Seriously can’t wait for this one.




Anthem looks like an answer to Destiny and I’m not okay with that. The only silver lining is that Drew Karpyshyn is back writing for BioWare, so maybe the story elements we get will be redeeming. Seriously disappointed with EA and their direction of BioWare, as this was the company’s main focus instead of Mass Effect Andromeda.

Xboxonex is the edgiest name for a console ever and it’s super dumb. Should have stayed Scorpio.

Sony is blocking cross platform play. We’re gonna have Rocket League across PC, Switch, and the Bone, but we can’t cross play with PS5slimpro? Boooooooo

Crackdown 3 got less time than Minecraft in Xbox’s presentation.

Spiderman was the best looking thing to come out of the Playstation conference, and that’s really saying something.

Knack 2.

$800 collector’s edition of Assassin’s Creed Origins says a lot about Ubisoft’s business decisions, despite their promising showing of games.


I think there’s proof in the concept of a person becoming increasingly cynical with each passing year. On the plus side, that will make my “slops” portion that much easier to write. That being said, I’m going to try my damnedest to present to you some positive observations from this years gaming extravaganza to balance out my absolutely justified disappointment.

Additionally, I will lay this key point out for you ahead of time: I honestly don’t give two flying fucks about Nintendo and whatever they announced at E3 this year. I’m not exactly their target demographic.

Fight me.


Strangely enough, I do have one highlight from the Nintendo press conference. Rocket League is coming to the Switch this holiday season, and will join the PC / Xbox crossplay movement. This is a smart move on their behalf as the game is simple enough mechanically to port over, and that by no means is a thinly veiled insult.

Call of Duty: WWII might be just what Activision needs to revitalize their stale franchise, and for the first time in ages I’m considering buying back into the series. Rolling back not only the time period, but other things like how your player health works, is reminding me why I fell in love with these games in the first place.

Far Cry 5, while expectedly controversial in nature, seems to have taken advantage of Ubisoft’s decision to lengthen their development cycles and presents us with a locale nobody expected: Montana. They’ve added character customization and brought back a renewed focus on close quarters combat. Oh, and now you can go fishing. Cool.

Beyond Good and Evil 2 was finally revealed, albeit through a CG cutscene that screamed Luc Besson’s Fifth Element, but people are really excited about this. I mean, it’s been almost 14 years. I just assumed it was vaporware and moved on. My interest is piqued, enough that I’m considering going back and actually playing the first one.

Dang, I can’t wait to kill some nazis in Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus. Queue Brad Pitt and that dialogue from Inglourious Basterds about scalps.


AGAIN, Sony has exclusives that will continue to stoke the flames of the undying console wars. I have one tattoo, and it represents Spider-Man, a hero that inspired me as a child and helped mold me as a person in later years. Go figure that the best looking iteration of the character in video game form is on a console I’m too broke (or too stubborn) to purchase. Well, that and the sequel to Destiny will have some more shit I won’t have access to for another year or so.

Gaming can be pretty expensive, especially when you’re presented with another version of a game you’ve bought once, maybe twice before. We’re getting a remaster / remake of Shadow Of The Colossus, and yet another port of Skyrim. Don’t even get me started on that whole paid mods bullshit. Bethesda, STAHP.

Microsoft’s console naming process leaves a lot to be desired. Xbox One X? All I can think of is the early days of online console gaming and the juvenile username generation that bookended words like “snipe” and “killa” and “weed420” with that double “x”. Maybe I’ll change my name to xXiamhumansaltXx in honor of its release.

Anthem, AKA “Destiny: Me Too”.

We’re still pushing this whole VR thing? It showed promise before when it came back, revitalized with more options and better marketing, but it’s arguably dead in the water these days. Sell me a haptic suit A LA Ready Player One and I’m in, or more realistically, shift focus to better implementation of the already existing augmented reality technology.

Microsoft and Hyperkin are teaming up to re-release that nightmare of a controller the original Xbox released with. The Bearclaw. The Duke. Whatever you called it, gaming has been better off since it’s discontinuation. Truly, these are the end of times.


Lets just get the uber games that we wont see until 20– out of the way. I love what we saw from Kingdom Hearts III and I’m looking forward to hearing more about its development at D23 this year. I’m also really excited to play Metroid Prime 4 on my Switch, along with the perfect Pokemon RPG that everyone has been waiting for. Could they interrogate the same tech we use in Pokemon Go for the Switch RPG? (Missingno, you’re our only hope..)


I was able to get hands on with the new God of War days after E3 and it plays better than ever! The smooth combat controls that are also adapted into a partner system with your in game son bring on a whole new level of game play. I’m really dig that Kratos is a bit more grounded within these viking like roots and the story, along with the new creatures you battle are as solid as ever!

DragonBall Fighter Z is not just everything I’ve ever wanted out of a DBZ fighting game, but it’s everything I’ve  wanted to see out of a Grade A 2D animated fighter! As of late fighters have been moving away from this and it is almost breaking the formula. I’m happy to see DBFZ adding amazing quick cut animations, beautiful locations and the counter system leaves me drooling. All I ask is that this get put on the Nintendo Switch. It would be the best market for this type of game and friends could play anywhere!

Speaking of 2D animation, Cup Head finally has a release date, September 29th! It has been a while, but Microsoft really wanted to make this game stand out and helped fund it a bit more. Previous plays of the early build said it was too hard to get through. We now have different levels of difficulty and and Player 2 can now join in on the vintage fight!

The folks at Supermassive know what I like. HORROR! They are a main reason why I always come back to Playstation. If you have not checked out their first in depth horror slasher Until Dawn, it will be free for all PS+ members in July. The team announced two new games at this years E3 show. The Impatient, a PSVR prequel to Until Dawn that takes place 60 years prior involving the Blackwood Sanitarium. Horror alum, Larry Fessenden is back in the writing chair and I cannot wait to add this to my Until Dawn collection. The second game is multiplayer crime thriller called Hidden Agenda. This game is meant to be played with four friends in the room using their smart phones as controllers (Jack Box). You take control of two leads investigating a crime scene while the killer is in interrogation. It is an interactive SAW type game. Help your friends get through the mission, or sabotage them and get out alive. I love that Sony is taking this approach and thinking outside the typical video game box.

Star Wars Battlefront II is a guilty pleasure of mine. Yeah EA sucks. Everything’s expensive. But you gotta give them props for listening and giving away free DLC to those who opt in to the BF2 love. We are getting that story mode that everyone couldn’t live without (and will beat in two days), tons of new maps from the prequels and lots more playable characters. They have also been looking into balancing the heroes a bit more which is nice. Also air battle mechanics are changing up so it’s not just a race to the uber ship coin. All the changes to BF2 make me very happy and I cannot wait to jump to my favorite universe once again!

Hands down, Anthem has me jazzed beyond belief! Everything we saw out of the E3 video has me excited. It now makes sense why Mass Effect 4 sucked. Karpyshyn’s been working on this. The drop in / drop out mechanic within raids and battles looks a bit more up to my speed and the atmosphere looks like a blast to battle through. From the trade vendors, to all out space jungles. Flying through the air and dropping down on giant monsters in a mech suit is what dreams are made of. Also water battling is a whole new playing field. With all that said, I sure don’t get all the “THIS OR DESTINY 2” hate. Coexist man.

Also mega props towards The Evil Within 2, DOOM VR, Super Mario Odyssey, The Darwin Project, Days Gone, Sea of Thieves and Observer for just existing.


Xbox One X is 4k ready! And is tiny! No Hololens... $500 price point… That’s it? Cool. I own a 4k television and I’ll still stick with my day one Xbox One. Good talk Microsoft.

Skyrim EVERYTHING! It’s on the Switch! It’s in VR! We modded the shit out of this game five years ago. Can we move on now. Skyrim 2 or I don’t care.

Still not enough on the Nintendo Switch. No real virtual console. The honeymoon phase is over Nintendo. We want classics and current developed games form third party devs you’ve been promising us since the Game Cube. By the way, your new Yoshi game looks so boring I felt my eyes bleeding during your treehouse live event. (….I can’t quit you)

Assassins Creed Origins sounds just as boring as its past iterations.  I can slide down a pyramid? Neat, I guess? I mean, what else would you do ON a pyramid? Though the For Honor combat approach looks like a nice change of pace. The series was never my thing, but I hope fans dig it.

Kojima, please become a wizard with the the strength of twenty dev teams and finish Death Stranding and have it in my Playstation now please.

Life is Strange: Before the Storm looks like a boring cash grab. Plus it’s a prequel so Chole’s not involved. I fell asleep way too many times playing the first game. You’re not getting me again Square.

Nothing new from Ubisoft on South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

There you have it folks! Rejoicing and bitching from beyond the webosphere! Have input? Let’s discuss this further at this years panel, LIVE at Tampa Bay Comic Con  Saturday, July 29th – 4pm @ The Tampa Bay Convention Center.

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